What does the Torah say about parents and mothers?
By the My Daily Torah team · Updated
The short answer
The Torah tells you to honor your father and mother. Another verse tells you to stand in awe of them, and that one names mom first. It asks for respect and care, not perfect feelings. Jewish tradition calls parents God's partners in making you, and Proverbs calls a mother's advice her "torah," the same word used for the Torah itself.
When your mom calls and you let it ring
Maybe it's Mother's Day and you're staring at a blank card. Maybe your dad is getting older and you're suddenly the one making the doctor calls. Maybe your mom texted three times today and you haven't answered any of them.
Whatever brought you here, the relationship is probably more complicated than a greeting card. The Torah's take on parents turns out to be a lot more realistic than you'd expect.
What does honor your father and mother actually mean?
״כבד את אביך ואת אמך למען יארכון ימיך על האדמה אשר ה׳ אלוקיך נתן לך״
“Honor your father and your mother, so you'll have a long life on the land your God is giving you.”
It's one of the Ten Commandments, the fifth one. It also comes with a reward attached: the verse goes on to promise you a long life in the land.
Here's the part most people miss. The Hebrew word here, kabed, shares its root with kaved, which means heavy. To honor your parents is to give them weight: take them seriously, and treat what they say as something that counts.
One word isn't in the verse at all, and that's love. The Torah tells you to love your neighbor and to love the stranger, but with parents it asks for honor. That's something you can do even on days when the feelings are a mess.
Why does one verse put mom first?
״איש אמו ואביו תיראו״
“Each of you, stand in awe of your mother and your father.”
Exodus says father and mother. In the very next book, Leviticus, the order flips to mother and father. The verb changes too, from honor to awe, the kind of respect you show someone whose opinion really matters to you.
The Talmud, the huge ancient record of Jewish debates and stories, noticed the switch and explained it. Kids tend to naturally honor mom more and be more in awe of dad, so each verse puts first the parent who'd otherwise get less of that kind of respect.
That's a pretty honest read on family life. Both parents get both kinds of respect, and the Torah evens it out on purpose.
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A mother's advice gets called Torah
״שמע בני מוסר אביך ואל תטש תורת אמך״
“Listen, my child, to your father's guidance, and don't let go of your mother's teaching.”
Proverbs, King Solomon's book of short sayings about life, opens with a parent talking to a kid: listen to your dad, and don't walk away from what your mom taught you.
The word it uses for mom's teaching is torah, which literally means teaching. It's the same word as the Torah itself. So everything your mom drilled into you at the kitchen table (text when you land, never show up empty-handed, be nice to your sister) goes by the same name as the scroll in the synagogue.
Dad gets musar, a word that leans toward correction. Mom gets torah.
Why the Talmud puts parents next to God
״שלשה שותפין הן באדם: הקדוש ברוך הוא, ואביו, ואמו״
“Three partners go into making every person: God, their father and their mother.”
The Talmud says three partners go into making every person: God, a father and a mother.
It backs that up by setting verses side by side. The Bible says to honor your parents, and it also says to honor God. It says to stand in awe of your parents, and it also says to stand in awe of God. Same words, same weight.
Then it goes further. When people honor their parents, God says it's as if He lived with them and they honored Him. So calling your mom back is more than a chore. In this view, it's one of the most direct ways to honor God.
One thing to try this week
״קמו בניה ויאשרוה בעלה ויהללה״
“Her children stand up and tell her how lucky she is, and her husband sings her praises too.”
Proverbs ends with a poem about a strong, capable woman, and many Jewish families sing it at the table on Friday night, when Shabbat (the weekly day of rest) begins. One line is about what her kids do: they stand up and say it out loud.
So skip the card and the post and just tell them. Pick one specific thing your mom (or dad, or whoever raised you) did that shaped you, and tell them this week. "You came to every single game." "I still fold towels your way." A text works, and a call is better.
If a parent has died, or the relationship is too hard right now, say it to someone else who knew them, or write it down. Giving weight to what they gave you still counts.
Questions people ask
What is a famous Jewish quote about mothers?
One of the best known is Proverbs 1:8: "Don't let go of your mother's teaching." The Hebrew calls a mother's teaching torah, the same word as the Torah. Another is Proverbs 31:28: "Her children stand up and tell her how lucky she is," from a poem many Jewish families sing on Friday night.
What do Bible verses say about honoring your mother?
Two key verses in the Torah cover it. Exodus 20:12, one of the Ten Commandments, says to honor your father and your mother. Leviticus 19:3 says to stand in awe of your mother and your father, and it puts mom first. Together they ask for both care and respect toward both parents.
What does Judaism say about motherhood?
The Talmud says every person has three partners in their making: God, their father and their mother, and it treats honoring parents as close to honoring God. Proverbs presents a mother as a teacher and calls her lessons torah. In these sources a mother is a partner and a teacher, not a background figure.
Does the Torah say you have to love your parents?
The verses about parents use the words honor and awe, not love. The Torah does use love elsewhere, for your neighbor and for the stranger. With parents it focuses on how you treat them, taking them seriously and showing respect, and you can do that even when the feelings are complicated.
Sources
Every Hebrew line on this page is copied word for word from the source and checked against Sefaria, the free online library of Jewish texts. The English is our own translation.